Tag Archives: important




One of the most frustrating things is that nobody teaches you how to be disabled.

Everybody teaches you how to try to get better, how to blend in, how to be as normal as possible and “lead a fulfilling life.”

But nobody says the important shit.

There is no 

“Hey, fuck, you’re in a wheelchair and that just sucks balls, but you know what? You gotta fucking do it so here’s some things to make life easier.”

Or “Here’s your new cane! Congrats! Here’s how you use it. Stairs might fuck you up at first but let me show you how to make it easier.”

Or “Hey, you’re autistic, that’s cool. Let me know how I can help as your friend/family. I care.”

No one teaches you, actually teaches you about how to deal with daily life moving forward. 

Once you’re disabled, once people know or once you’re injured or sick or diagnosed or whatever, 

it’s all about pushing to get out of the chair, to stop using the cane, to blend in. 

There is no help to accept your disability and move on with life working with it. 

It’s always a push to work against it in every way possible and that makes it even more exhausting.

God, this! It’s always about trying to ignoring and deny our disability or giving up on us completely. 

It’s like disability is the ultimate failure, even if they won’t say it. 

No one tells you how to make accommodations or what accessibility problems you’ll face.

Disabled people can have quality lives. 

But our lives are going to be different from abled people’s. 

Our health is going to be different. And so should our healthcare. 

But instead we are given the same treatment tailored to abled people, and that means it is going to fail us in so many ways.

This is also why “cure” culture bothers me. 

Because if there’s no cure, doctors give up. It’s like no cure = no available treatment, because why try if we can’t get you back to abled standards?

[caps removed and spaces added for accessibility]

signs of a shutdown in autistic people



  • Becoming less verbal or nonverbal
  • Looking “spaced out” or detached from what’s happening 
  • Withdrawing, not wanting to be around people
  • Curling up in the fetal position
  • Hiding out under furniture, blankets, etc. 

And no, person observing above-mentioned signs, there’s nothing you can do to help. Except go away.

The “go away” bit is good for making a point, since it points out that not intervening is better than trying to intervene and making things worse. That said – some things drawn from my own experience:

  • As a few other posters have said, if the person shutting down is in a crowded, noisy, or otherwise threatening place, remove them to somewhere calmer and safer. Be gentle, since physical contact can make sensory overload worse.
  • Try not to ask too many difficult questions (and please do not ask them anything that could wait until later). Being in a shut down often makes executive dysfunction or language processing issues worse; even simple yes-or-no questions can be difficult to handle, either because it is frustrating to process the words, or to make a decision. Do not assume that they haven’t heard you if they don’t respond immediately.
  • I, personally, tend to be more prone to withdrawing or becoming irritable when I haven’t had food lately. If you know the person in question well enough to evaluate this, take this into consideration. The one question that’s always welcome to me is “do you want food?”. Not “have you eaten lately?” (requires memory + categorization), and not “what can I get you?” (requires decision making).

Most importantly: Do not trivialize or try to blame them for what is happening. This is severely damaging toward trust, and if an autistic person has a bad experience with you while they’re experiencing a meltdown or other episode, they may no longer feel safe around you. Your presence may make a subsequent episode worse if they have a bad history with you. If you suspect you’re not capable of responding appropriately (and if you are neurotypical and don’t know the person in question very well, you are in this category by default!), it is a wiser choice to leave.

Plurality Glossary


Age Sliding

An age slider is a system member whose age may change over the course of minutes, days, hours, or months, and who may progress forward or backward depending on circumstance, the person themself. This may be a result of shifting identity or shifting physicality within the inner world. Age sliding is the act of moving ages, while an age slider is a system member who does so or has done so in the past.


An originally psychological term for a system member. It can be short for alternate personality, alternate, alter ego, or alternate identity, many DID systems use this term, and it was once thought of as implying that system members were somehow ‘cardboard cutout’ in comparison to the host or core. As of recently it has become markedly more popular in denoting the same use as ‘system member’. Psychological alternates to this term are: personality, parts, aspects, fragments (easily confused with the type of system member by the same name). See also: headmate, skullbuddy, system member, other, collectivemate, systemmate.

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