05/16/18, 04.55p // my “sharing problem” has a (first) name, yet i know not what it is,

the theme of may_2018 is: 🌱
for the past few years i’ve been attempting to “”fix”” myself, or rather i’ve the attempting to correct certain behaviors i have/had & it’s turned out to be somewhat helpful but takes quite a lot of time & effort (thought, primarily). i pick away at them one by one & i imagine them as very tiny knots in a string that i have to use my big ol’ fingers to pull apart, & if you know what that’s like then you’ll connect w/this bit i’m saying right here :-) (i don’t know how to write lol),,,

so, w/that now having been explained, i have come across some formidable problems that i am currently still working on that are pretty tough, especially doing this alone for the most part (i talk to rfu about this sometimes). one of those big problems is what i call my “sharing problem” because that’s the simple way to summarize it, i suppose

(thinking about asking my therapist to help me understand this problem better was what prompted me to write this post)

i want to know a number of things but one of the most important ones is just plainly, is there a name for this & if so is it something i can pinpoint & subsequently (hopefully) thoroughly educate myself on? sorry for repeating myself so much but it’s like i like to say: as Green Day advises: “Know Your Enemy
once i can identify it, whether or not it has one specific name or if it’s a constellation of things like my learning disability is, i just might be able to start picking away at it & maybe even make progress in solving the problem? i would love that. i hate being this way. it permeates my life in multiple ways, it makes me think of an infection or a parasite fusing itself to my system in a way that if the [problem] is removed i would die w/it (if that kind of situation is even possible….)

but, maybe.. that’s not how it will always have to be