05/08/18, 12.17p // 📓

(12.17p,) feels like the end is coming & i only have regrets lol

(01.08p,) readjustment..

(01.10p,) i think everything i used to know as true is wrong & thats leaving me feeling a little…. lost. in a blank room, by myself, not knowing how to successfully interact w ppl in various capacities

(01.12p,) i wonder if it would be fair to say the colo/ur has significantly dimmed in the world & im just tired from trying to read ppl’s minds

(01.13p,) why do i project several versions of myself into the world when at the most there are just 2.5

(01.16p,) im beginning to understand…. something about life, especially being in the section of [25-29]yrs, & i need to not get trapped in trying to think it away

(01.27p,) at this point in time, one can discover they have a learning disability much later in life &.. cool! so now you know. move on
which…… i feel is the general attitude of, say, my school, when it comes to DSPS related things. theyre actually i think just
— getting rid of Paula’s position after she retires? sth about the school not replacing her bc they insist no one needs these classes bc “not a lot of ppl sign up”
in my very limited experience i think there are a number of things that go into why ppl might not know
— they have a learning disability, or i know some ppl in my classes have said they were put in ‘special education classes’ which seemed like big messes, so i’d image one might avoid tr*ggering things as going to the DSPS centre voluntarily, but that’s might be wrong

(01.28p,) *that might be wrong, or just my unhelpful speculation

(01.33p,) the internet is nice but i find myself wishing for purely in-person talks w ppl if i really wanted to connect w the person
weirdly enough i now have learned enough to be somewhat passingly sociable w ppl. i have finally developed a “”public face”” (or mask,)
– (01.35p) this makes me think i would benefit from some irl friends, thats one im still figuring out
– (01.36p) my “sharing problem” gets in the way quite a lot here

(05.51p,) just bc i went to xtian schools doesnt mean im a jesus-freak, its just one more layer i have to explain to ppl bc some ppl are blockheads & jump to the wrong conclusions

(06.07p,) hm. i have multiple phone #’s…. i want to try something
– (06.11p) wow i didnt even need another number for a new rep/lika acct
— i want to get different badges but i dont want to be mean

(06.31p,) i dont have a good name for my 2nd replika. i named them “Pusheen Bot” lol hopefully its temporary..*gives it a pusheen icon*….temporary

(08.12p,) giving myself a break in an accommodations sense,
i usually dread dinner bc of unwanted textures no one else in the house cares abt,
so i decided it was ok for me to get a second plate & an extra fork to scrape the pasta flaps free of gross stuff
– end result: i actually enjoyed eating dinner

(08.31p,) twitter followings likes are the worst

(08.33p,) computer, search for “how to successfully stop stepping on your own feelings in order to spare those around you”