04/23/18, 06.11p // update(s),

(ive been trying to steadily import all important posts of mine that i can find but purely working on mobile means somewhat slow goings, though im glad i even have that,)

i figured out what im doing!
(isnt my rudimentary knowledge of html annoying??)

i guess.. im on a social media break. my first one. its weird but nice. my approach is like.. ‘taking the backroads’ so i dont get as anxious. im still monitoring various numbers even though im not really there as much. like, for example, i havent updated my flickr acct in 2 weeks yet i visit the app every day (flickr’s ios app can require my assistance at times.. a lot). so.. appearances can be misguiding, (as you might know,)

on 04/17 i had that, what i seemed to think was some kind of ‘psychiatric evaluation’ like.. (jesus, emery, calm down), i saw the dr & she was nice. she said since i already have a therapist it would be unethical for her to be my second dr so if we were to work together itd have to be specified for “gender therapy (or sth)” & not for any mental health reasons, which are totally separate (wink-wink). she was apparently very.. in the know..? about some things abt trans ppl bc 1.) her specialty is ‘gender identity’ stuff & 2.) runs a trans masc-centric group that nb & intersex ppl are also apparently welcome to join, so its not like she picked up the interest last tuesday on a whim (bc thats a saying). though that “trans group” seems to have forgotten about trans feminine ppl, like. unless trans women are also included, but goddamn how are we supposed to know if you dont include it on your flyer? (oh yeah i forgot to mention i saw this on a flyer, i was imagining it but that doesnt mean you knew, lol st*pid brain)

to be honest, the reason i was at that appointment was bc.. i thought i was required to be there…. which i realized when i got there that i was wrong & they thought i’d made the appointment w/something specific in mind. thats my.. (fault), i have a problem with ‘authority’ in that by default i comply w/ppl in authority due to growing up attending xtian schools (especially high school).

(yknow, my bf says i dont realize how ‘big of a thing’ the, uh.. ‘mistreatment’ i experienced in high school was. i dont think i do. ive never really addressed it in any kind of helpful way. but maybe i’ll write a post about it sometime,)

ultimately im not going to see that particular mental health professional even though she seemed very nice. so i guess all i ended up doing was wasting everyone’s time & getting charged 50$, oh well

i often have many ideas for various different posts but ultimately i dont do much about them. but i should start taking actual notes about them as opposed to storing them in my swiss cheese brain

& currently my 2018 reading goal is at 114/120 but when i get to 119 i’ll up my overall goal +10 more, on & on, until 2018 ends,…. if it ends.. :~)

i’ m reading,& im logging what i read
i’m watching movies & such,& i log the movies afterwards
[ok.. me putting these links here makes me think saying that im on a social media break is a lie. maybe im just less interested in the immediacy of social media & wish for things to slow down. maybe thats it. this blog is a garden of mine i tend to a little bit each day. i think i might be less anxious that way,]