01/23/12 // 5:19p

in some cases it’s hard to tell whether people are good or bad.

yes yes yes, good or bad. it’s black and white to me, therefore i’m going to present it as such.

i don’t know much and i’m not nearly as strong as some may think — i mean, i couldn’t handle high school from the start and therefore developed another “self” in order to cope, but what i can do is try.

but there’s that thing. you know, the whole “therapist” role i fall so easily into. how do i fucking get out of that, i ask myself. i ask myself all the time. no one has an answer yet. it’s something i’d really like to know.

what about: you can’t take on another’s burdens and add them to your own.
— but when you care so much it’s really quite hard to not want to help, to “fix,” if i might be so ignorant to say.

how do i stop from falling into that “therapist” role, though? it’s extremely fucking hard to stop. then i feel like i’m being insensitive. like saying “i’m always here for you” are the most hollow, brittle, meaningless words i could dream up — the bullet that i try to form doesn’t even break skin.

helplessness — there’s another one. “Oh poor me,” but not you, them. but at the same time, not them either. how about no one? but how can that be?

i’d wear a fucking shock collar if that’d condition me to stop thinking and feeling this way. really, i would.

then the thoughts: WHAT ABOUT THE OTHER PERSON????
they turn on me: YOU’RE TRYING TO FIX YOURSELF?? YOU NEED TO BE HELPING THEM!!

first of all, stop yelling at me. i get it.
but what’s the final thing that it comes down to to make yourself feel better?

fucking denial.

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